confession: I am becoming bald.
Yup. I am. I have a tendency to play with my hair whenever I feel anxious, stressed, worried, etc. and at the moment there is no other feeling in me. College applications aren’t easy. I never thought they would be so stressful. The only thing that helped me stay positive through all this was knowing I was going to get some help with the application fees. Then, right before I came across the “submit” button, a red sign flashed my screen. No legalization, no fee waivers for the California State Universities. But there was a small encouragement to try and get a fee waiver through a letter. So I tried. And once again, denied.
Today I am celebrating an anniversary. 9 years ago my life changed when I arrived to the United States of America. I remember everything. And it’s something no child should ever go through. From the running to catch a bus at 3a.m, to opening my eyes in Los Angeles county and finally being able to reunite with my family.
Last night, a very close friend was also able to almost reunite with his family. His parents were deported over a year ago, and after 2 months of trying to come back to the United States, his mom finally made it safe and sound. That’s another family separated by the broken immigration system. How many more is it going to take?
Sheessh Obama. Keep your promise.

college

im just a kid trying to go to college. thats all i really am at this point. i want to go to college, earn a degree, and move on with my life. just like every other college-aspiring American student. but being AB540 completely throws my dreams off. My family is considered low income, and i cant pay for my college applications. today, i called the office of admissions at one of my back up schools, and asked if they had received my fee waiver request. but the tone in her voice said it all. "you dont have a right to a fee waiver" said the admission counselor, "youre uncodumented. you dont have the RIGHT".
her words pierced me. and i know i shouldnt let this get me down. but why would you deny an aspiring college student the help they need to apply to your university?
i politely thanked her and hung up the phone. and at that moment, i started to wonder what i had done wrong. what i had done to make my life so difficult at times. they say character is fate. but is it really? what could i have possibly done at 8 years old to receive this fate?
now im really starting to wonder what it will be like for me next year. how i will pay for college, and if i will be able to stay in school because of the financial problem. i dont want to feel as if i lost part of my high school career, by going to a community college. not that anything is wrong with it, but ive worked to hard to end up in a school where kids dont have to even graduate to attend the school.
right now, im really crushed. i dont want to hear about going away to college anymore. i dont want to hear anything about the fafsa. and i dont want to hear i got rejected due to the fact that i lack a 9digit serial number code.

my bday-9/11

this past friday (september 11) was my birthday. and the whole day, i couldnt help but think about the 2001 september 11, terrorist attacks. my first bday here in America was kinda depressing. i still remember my teacher crying the entire day...it was sad. and in all my bday pictures you can see the twin towers up in smoke in the background (through the tv). there is nothing that can make someone feel better when they lose a dear friend. i know this from experience. my condolence to all those who lost someone one due to the 9/11 attacks.

Now, for something not so depressing, i celebrated my birthday all weekend. i went to go see the new tyler perry movie. it was funny. very sad. and on saturday i met a fellow dreamer at the beach. If the phrase "southern Californian" had a meaning, the name of this young man would need to be somewhere in the definition. He has lived here most of his life, yet this young college student is not seen as a full American. He has like, a total Californian accent. but our country refuses to recognize him.
i wish the best for this young man, and i hope his life will soon be at its fullest. We need to pass the DREAM ACT. B cannot wait another year for his dreams to come true.

the flu

Thursday August 27, 2009. i woke up and my head felt huge. my throat was hurting, and my body felt weak. i also had a slight fever. shit. i cought the flu.
either way, i decided to go to school. i dont like missing school. i miss out on a lot of things. and i really didnt wanna miss my AP government class. the teacher is kinda lame. he tries too hard to be funny. .. hehe. but the class teaches me the basics and details about what i like most- politics. but anyway, i came home and drank te de cebolla (onion tea) and colonial silver like crazy. i dont believe in medicine and i hate going to the doctors, which makes me depend on old Mexican remedies. which brings me to my next point.

Meet S. S is the kind of hard working girl who everyone likes. shes a sweet heart, she really is. but sometimes the things she says really bring me down. she doesnt do it on purpose, she doesnt even know she's doing it, but she does it.
S sits next to me in my math class, and for the past week or so, she's been telling me about her (up coming) trip to Ensenada Mexico. and how excited she is, and what she is gonna do there. i listen to her patiently, and wish she would just stop. then she asks me if i have ever been there.
"no." i responded. "i havent been to Mexico in a couple of years"
and she goes on with her conversation. i try to switch the subject by asking her if she wished to join one of the clubs im running. but she quickly replies.
"no. im in too many clubs already. im in av, c4c, & yr book. i have way too many things to do."
this really got me thinking about how unappreciative people can be. before me i have a shopaholic, who failed her piano class because she had 2ap classes and and 3 regular classes to take care of. REALLY? i took 9 classes last semester. i was in school from 6am to 6pm. and never complained. i was taking 4 advance placement classes, 2 honors, 1 college prep, and 2 rop classes. not because i needed them, but because i was stupid enough to take them. that plus a job (internship). i went to school monday - friday and worked tuesday, wednesday, friday, and saturday. and my gpa never went below a 4.0. This year im taking 7 classes. 5ap, 1 honors, and avid- tutoring. and im enrolled in beauty school did i tell you? (if i ever complain please slap me).

i couldnt believe she was complaining about how hard her life was! and i just wanted to tell her to stop complaining and to stop feeling sorry for herself. thats not the way to get by in this world. but i kept quiet. on wednesday S didnt go to school. she had a slight cold. funny thing is we had 2 tests that day. S is an ok friend. but i wish i can just open her eyes to the world. i wish i can tell her that not everything in the world is about goin to the spa every week... maybe i hate seeing fortunate people with "perfect" lives happy?
i dont like to complain, but DAMN.

the flu went away, and im feeling a lot better. however, this morning i decided not to go to school. i really dont know why. maybe its because i didnt want to see S seat empty.. i know shes in Mexico having fun. but i didnt want to see her empty seat rain on my parade.

lost

this is the second time i blogg and i am still kinda lost. :(
but i would like to introduce myself.

hello, my name is gladys, and i am an undocumented student living in southern california since the year 2000. I am currently a high school senior and about to enter the real world. and the truth is , I.am.more.afraid.than.i.have.EVER.been.in.my.life. yesterday, the fact that i would have to face the cold world hit me. i know i will not be alone. i have close friends who understand me, and i have my family, and more importantly i know i have GOD by my side. But sometimes, you can not help but to feel alone. alone, invisible to the world before you. invisible to the mother you love. throughout elementary and middle school i was always depressed about my situation. in 2005 my father was deported and it broke my heart. i did not know if i would have to return to a coutry i did could no longer remember, or if i would stay here, living with my aunt and siblings while my parents we in mexico-thousands of miles away. fortunately, i have my parents by my side, but the fear of being separated from my loved one's still dictates my life.
now that i am in high school, ive learned to look at my situation in a different, more colorful way. ive learned to accept my world (and living situation) as it is, and have peacefully learned to reside in it. ofcourse my status in the United States does not make me jump up and down of happiness but my world is no longer pitch black.
through this great adventure i learned that everything has a reason, and that to find great joy, great sacrifices must be made. thats why i am in this coutry, thats why my family, and the people i have befriended and their families are in this country.
throughout my blogging experience i will publish small information about my life.
have a great day!



When we are dreaming alone it is only a dream. When we are dreaming with others, it is the beginning of reality.-Dom Helder Camara

We need hope.

I was looking for quotes about 15 minutes ago to help me keep moving without giving up. But sometimes, the feeling you get when you think of the future, of your friends and family, of your dreams and aspirations, and being illegal becomes overwhelming. you fall into deep depression when you think about the truth, and it breaks your heart to feel so powerless. I applaud the brave young men and women in this country who are also undocumented and have been able to move forward without letting anything stop you. YOU ARE MY HEROES. I am still very young. I am still 16 and knowing that you guys went through every feeling in me right now, and were not stopped by the barriers before you, inspires me to do something great with my life, but most of all, it inspires me to keep fighting against every obstacle against me. You who manage to keep a smile on your face give me hope. Thank you very much for taking a moment and talking to me. Thank you to those who encourage me to keep moving forward. I do not know where i would be if you would not be in my life. and thank you for caring about me, and making me a part of your life. This is for anyone, and everyone, who fights for hope, who fights for a better future, who fights to find their utopia, for everyone who fights for the DREAM act.